What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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