i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
