I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
