What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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