Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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