For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
