Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
