My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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