Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
