Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize