Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
