I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
