day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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