i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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