if i died would you start the facebook group?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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