He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
