Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
