I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Say something about gay babies.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
