so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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