I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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