I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
