This is not my ceiling
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rumble strips road head = magical
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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