onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
