omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize