Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
