If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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