he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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