a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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