dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
