I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
