i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize