She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
