the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
