U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize