HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
