I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
