3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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