READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
