You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
