i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize