I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
