ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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