Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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