I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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