If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
