you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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