The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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