So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
