I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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