remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
