There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i believe in u and ur pee
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
