He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize