Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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