if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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