This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
