dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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