Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
