i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
