New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
