once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
