how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
