I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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