remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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