Im at strip club and am horny
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
