Your dad touched me again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
