i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
